Ronda Rousey (dot net!)

I’m not going to be naming certain a obese referee from Rhode Island or anything, but there have been quite a few people who have been lying about my mom. Since I love my mother dearly, and vying for “judo political” favor has never been a priority of mine, I feel compelled to defend her.

One of the many admirable things my mother does, is pay for all of her judo related travel herself, and then writes it off on her taxes. If anyone says anything otherwise, you have my permission to tell them you have it on good authority they’re a g**damn liar - and ask them why they’re such a lying liar, and what THEIR mother would think about them lying about someone else’s mother.

I’m not trying to float my family’s boat, but my mom started a multi million dollar consulting company from scratch, and is the senior statistical consultant at USC. That means if all the professors at the University of California don’t know the answer to a statistics problem, they go to my mom to answer it. My step dad, who most people call my “alleged step father” (because he hates sports and doesn’t like going to judo tournaments) is a friggin’ rocket scientist.
So you know the saying “Shut up, you full of it, you’re no rocket scientist.” In his case, he IS a rocket scientist. And he’s right, you’re wrong, much dumber, and probably paid less.

Now I haven’t taken a penny from them since the day I’ve turned 18, but the point I’m getting at is they are in no way hurting for cash. The whole idea that my mom would steal money from a non-profit judo organization is ridiculous and insulting. Its like Wynona Ryder shoplifting stupid.

I don’t know if this whole USJA election thing is the talk of the town or not (but it sure is the talk of the house-hold, cause my mom won’t shut up about it. And even after moving to a different house THOUSANDS of miles away - big jim won’t shut up about it!) But I gotta put my stamp of approval on my mom’s slate running. You can see all the people on the slate at newusja.org
Even if you don’t know everyone on there, vote for them anyway, cause the good guys (my mom and big jim’s team) need majority on the board if they’re gunna get any real work done. And no, I’m not just endorsing the slate my mom and coach are on it, but because they’re actually trying to do a positive thing and change judo in the US for the better. I know this for sure because she’s a compulsive over achiever and is trying to get results and make a difference.

So there is my political 2 cents, I don’t like writing about this kind of stuff much cause paying attention to old people arguments is usually as exciting as watch flies f**k.

But my mother specifically asked me to write my opinion on what’s going on, so there you go.

As far as training goes everything seems to be going as good as could be expected. Which is:

I have not died, thrown up, or thrown up while dying. No combination of the two has happened.
Big jim has not threatened to kill me, my dog, or any combination of the two.
But my poor puppy did burn her feet on the road while running, so she got half the week off… that lucky bitch… hey I can say bitch! She’s a female dog –duh!

What I really need is some ass… and by that I mean donkeys!!
How cool would it be to have a herd of ass?! I’d gaily happy! Wouldn’t you be gay upon receiving some ass?
HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHA!!!!! okay the whole swearing without swearing thing is starting to lose its novelty.

Oh come on, stop being so stuck up, its funny! If you’re some young girl’s parent that’s reading this, I would say sorry, but TECHNICALLY I’m not swearing.

So anyway, the other day I get out of bed around 9ish to big jim blasting the beach boys while mulching his new flower garden (yup, big jim’s got a flower garden! That old softy!)
I ran outside singing when “California Girls” came on, and he immediately starts yelling at me. “You’re smiling now kid! Get your stuff on, you won’t be so cheery after this workout!”
And I’m like, “Jim! When I’m moping around while working out, you chew me out for being unappreciative of the best years of my life. But when I’m in a good mood you yell at me and make the workouts harder. Could you please tell me which emotions I’m allowed to have, so I can ‘emote’ to your specifications??”

All he had to say to that was “THAT’S FOR ME TO KNOW!! Put ya sneakas on kid!”

Then after circuit lifting he sends me off on a two mile run - the mile back I have to alternate between jogging and sprinting, and then he has me do more sprints in front of the house when I get back.

Upon returning I see him and the guys doing construction work across the street talking to each other. But all I can make out is “SURE JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WANT ME TO SEND HER OVA TO DO SOME WORK!!”

Before I have a second to tell him not rent me out for manual labor, it’s time for more sprints. While doing them in front of the house, we measure distances by telephone poles. So he usually shouts something like “Sprint two!!….walk one!!…sprint one!!” and I run accordingly. Well apparently the construction guys found this amusing cause they started shouting, “Sprint six!! Walk two!! Sprint eleven!!!”

Its all veeeerry funny when you’re not the one running…. Okay well when telling it later while well fed and in bed - it is kinda amusing.

Well fed and in bed… sounds like my new motto after this next Olympics.

But aaaanyways, on a completely different note; Ayumi Tanimoto, the Olympic champ at 63kg is visiting the USA and staying at the team FORCE house this month, while off on her knee injury. She’s has been very supe-ya cooxl - she even brought the ink and brushes the team FORCE girls how to write a couple words in conji (or however you spell it – I failed “spelling foreign words in english” in school) though hers looked much much better than ours.

and look she even made one that said mochi!

(author’s note: I just heard one of my dog’s silent, deadly, whisper farts - and am so grossed out by the gag inducing smell to come that I had to share that fact)

ugh…. Gross… I think I’m starting to develop the purplish rash of the bubonic plague INSIDE my nose its so bad… can’t they invent anti-flatulence dog food?