Ronda Rousey (dot net!)

I’m baaaaaack!! It’s been the most amazing year off, and can’t even begin to count the ways!
Learn how to bartend – check!
Learn how to surf – check!
Find a man who’s not a complete loser – check!
Go skydiving – (july 9th I’m going)
Go on a date up in the mountains and fall off a cliff – check!

Okay I didn’t write the last one before achieving it, but nonetheless, it added to a long list of adventures this year. I mean what better ending to any story is there than “And then I fell off a cliff”? Even if it’s the most boring, lame, Ben Stein kind of story: “I had to pay some bills today, stopped by home depot…. And then I fell off a cliff” Lol sorry but I’ve been saying that all day, I can’t say “And then I fell off a cliff” and not smile***. It just goes into that smiley word category along with “projectile vomit”

***this is only true if the person falliing off the cliff is either
A) Just fine when they’re telling you the story
B) A total prick
C) Kayla Harrison (Hahaha just kidding!… kinda…
D) Works for Parking enforcement. I mean really! You must just KNOW you’re an @$$hole if you hand out parking “violations” all day. I mean real?ly! A “VIOLATION?!” because I was parked in front of my own home at 8am on a wednesday? No, that’s called a mother effin parking “whoopsee” - that’s called a poverty tax for those who can’t afford houses with garages. You can call it a violation if I park my car on your first born son!

(note to self: add Hijack and vandalise parking violation car to bucket list. I can’t be the only one that envisions shooting nerf darts at those jerks in their little modified golf carts.)

Anyway, sorry, tangent averted. So anyway how the evening went is this guy, lets call him surfer guy (he taught me how to surf, well… he didn’t really teach me he gave me a board and told me to figure it out) is trying to quit smoking. So to keep from going nuts he took me with him on a ten mile hike (okay maybe ten is a little bit of an exaggeration, but its my story and I want it to be on as grand a scale as possible.) through the mountain over Malibu. Sounds romantic right? Did I mention 90% of this hike was – big surprise- up a friggin’ mountain!?! Also this is not even 12 hours after doing an uphill sprints workout the night before.
And here’s one thing they don’t tell you about these mountains, they’re like 90 degrees and COVERED in bees!!
And no, I’m not just trying to be funny quoting eddie izzard, it really was covered in bees – and really sharp things. Who knew nature was so damn pointy?!
And then it was so hot outside that my dog, mochi, burned off the bottom of her feet, as did surfer guy’s dog. So both dogs are limping around, and I’m completely exhausted and trying not to look like it. While looking at the view over LA surfer guy suggests just climbing back up again later in the evening to watch fireworks and bring up some food and tequila and chill instead of going to some party.
My first thought of course is “Ooh lala! How romantic watching fireworks over LA in the Malibu mountains!” forgetting of course that this plan requires taking a second trip up a mountain, on a day where I was already waaay past my quota for enjoyable trips I could take up steep inclines in 48 hours… and how do I come DOWN a mountain after having a pretty serious business exchange with a tequila bottle?
It was actually very fun and worth the effort, but I guess right before we got back to the car I was dancing along the ledge and fell off the most jagged and treacherous cliff ever!
I tumbled down 5,000 feet and got impaled by the horns of an ibex before landing at the bottom and getting attacked by a snow leopard!!! (Okay, I might be exaggerating a little bit.. since those animals only live in the Himalayas) landing face first in a bunch of gravel. Of course I tried to get up – failed – and got to experience even more of the mountain face.

Mostly true story there.

Poor mochi is hobbling around like and old lady. After returning from the West Coast Training Center practice this afternoon she flat refused to walk back to the apartment from the Fonda (my car’s name). So then my neighbors – who probably know me as the crazy white girl that lives in the building (I stick out like a sore thumb in my neighborhood), saw me walking around with a 75 lb huge white dog slung over my shoulder while giggling and talking to it. You guys won’t believe how huge she got, lets see if I can find a picture. Anywho, I probably don’t have that many people reading anymore after taking so much time off, but I guess that’s kind of what I wanted; to take a step away from all the attention I was getting through judo. But now that time’s up sooo LOOOOK AT ME!!!!

(btw I’m not a narcissist, that was just a bad joke)

Oh and as a side note I had to quit being vegan after 8 months on the wagon. I caught bronchitis and my mom convinced me to go back to regular food until I started feeling better - and then by the time I was, it was time to start training again. I talked to big jim about it and he is very anti-vegan and told me to go back to eating the diet they had me on while training and I can give veganism another try after the next olympics. Sorry guys! I tried! (but hey at least I earned around $200 in bets, no one thought I’d even get through the first week, too bad no one will ever pay up :-/….)